


An Undying Love Takes a While to be Seen... or not

by witchy_bidipoo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate College Universe, Alternate Universe, Drinking, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Roommates, Shotgunning, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 00:11:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6930022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchy_bidipoo/pseuds/witchy_bidipoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I love you, you know mate?” I blurt out.</p><p>I quickly put my hand over my mouth realizing what I had just said. Fortunately for me, Louis only giggles in answer and leans in close.</p><p>“I love you too! But shush!” He whispers as if it was a secret.</p><p>I beam at him and throw my arms over his neck, giving him a hug. We look like complete fools, laughing for nothing in particular, holding onto each other for dear life. In my drunken state, I see myself acting like a lover towards Louis. My hands are always on him, gaze not leaving him. He doesn’t notice. He’s as drunk as me, perhaps more.</p><p>Or, where Calvin is in love with his best friend, Louis and thinks his love is unrequited.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Undying Love Takes a While to be Seen... or not

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evenasyoungastheyarelarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evenasyoungastheyarelarry/gifts).



> Hey guys, here's a one shot with Louis and Calvin as lovers, a Calouis one shot yay. Even though I'm a hardcore larry shipper I can still appreciate two hot guys in a relationship when one of them is Louis or Harry. Anyway. Enjoy!

I am in love with my best friend. I don’t know how it happened, when it happened or why. I just know that I’m irrevocably in love with him and there’s no turning back. I know Louis since I’m six years old and we basically grew up together, always attached to the hip. Our families are pretty close so I suppose it entailed us to befriend when we were just little kids. Now, fourteen years later, we’re still as close as we used to, not leaving the other’s side for more than a few hours.

Louis and I study at the Manchester’s University. Louis got a scholarship for football and let’s just say that I didn’t want to be away from him. I chose economy even though it doesn’t interest me one bit. Most of my classes consist in doodling random things on a sheet of paper and daydreaming about Louis. We have other friends but I and Louis are the closest. No one understands me like he does and I wouldn’t allow anybody to hold me in my sleep when I’m feeling down. He knows my deepest secrets that I’m too ashamed to tell, and I know his.

No one knows that I love him to death and would give my soul to the devil if Louis was in danger and it was the only way to save him. I don’t want anyone to know about the deep feelings I have for that young man. I don’t want to see the judgment in Stan’s eyes if he were to find out about them. I don’t want Louis to be disgusted in me if he knew I devoted him a faithful love. I don’t want Oli to make fun of me for loving my best friend.

People say love is blind and that we do an amount of crazy things for the person we love. I can only agree. Louis is like a ray of sunshine through a rainy day, a beautiful melody in the dull rhythm that is life. I love him so much that it hurts me every time he just glances my way or smiles at me. I know my reactions are juvenile but I can’t seem to have a grip on my emotions when he’s around. I feel like I could lose myself any time and get drowned in his beautiful blue eyes that remind of the oh so pure ocean. The crinkles by the corner of his eyes make me want to lick every one of them. That small dimple he has on his left cheek set ablaze the ardent fire that burns my stomach when he smiles. His lips are my mortal enemy. They’re the most pink I have ever seen and seem so kissable. I would get to my feet in no time if it meant I’d have the chance to have these sinful lips pressed against my own.

Louis isn’t aware of my feelings for him. And it’s better this way, even though it hurts. What would he do? How would he react? I know how. And that is precisely why I will keep my feelings hidden for the rest of my life until they fade away. That is, if they fade away on day. I’m not too sure seeing I could literally die for him. 

I can’t bare the fact that he will forever hate my guts if he learns the truth. He will be disgusted by all the time we slept together in the same bed while I had nasty thoughts about rolling onto his body and rocking my hips against his and just making love to his strong muscular body.

Louis is the cuddly kind of type of guy. He always snuggles close to me and presses our bodies together, making it really hard for me to breathe and control my heart beat. I’m always alarmed and scared that he can hear how fast my heart is racing when he leans his head on my chest and I can feel his hot breath on my neck, sending chills down my whole body.

We always had the kind of relationship two guys shouldn’t have. We hug every time we see each other; one is always sitting on the other one’s laps. We are always, always, touching. And while it should be intoxicating, it feels more like I’m on fire and will explode from all the fluttering butterflies flying up and down my stomach. I try to minimize our contact but Louis will get suspicious if I’m not careful enough. I wish he loved me back and we could live happily ever after but this is a dream that will forever remain a fantasy. A heavenly fantasy.

The worst thing is that we happen to share the same room. Of course, it couldn’t have been any other way. But sometimes I want to kill myself for being so attracted to Louis. It’s hard in the morning to see him stir in his bed, his chest free of any clothing, his cute face trying to get rid of the streaks of sleep. I’m afraid one day he’ll notice my heart loving stares that I can’t always manage to control. Or the fact that I tend to get aroused by his single presence.

In the past few years I had a couple of boyfriends to try to keep my mind off wandering around Louis. But it wasn’t enough. The guys I dated weren’t enough to make me forget about my hopeless feelings for my best friend. I thought that if I tried to act like the other boys my age, everything would get easier and that I could actually enjoy being around my best friend without guilt clenching my heart.

Obviously, it didn’t work. Tyler was older than me. He was already in college when I was in my last year of high school. We met at a party Louis and I went where we were not invited. Louis wanted the chicks, I wanted the dicks. And the booze. That’s how I ended up running into Tyler. I was a little tipsy and ran into his chest with a thud. He caught me before I fell to the ground and made a fool of myself. I flirted with him with absolutely no shame and he flirted back. He was my first everything and turned out to be an asshole when I broke things off with him. I wanted to believe he could be the one that would make forget about Louis, but I was deluded.

Then there was Cody. Cody was different. He worked at Hot Topic and was covered in tattoos from head to toe. He brought me to some places I’ve never been before and introduced me to a whole new world. I was glad to forget about my own life and learn about his, but it didn’t last long. All too soon, my thoughts were focused again on that brown haired man with the piercing blue eyes. After three months I got bored and rid of him like I did Tyler. Cody didn’t care too much, I was more a casual fuck than anything else, not that I minded. His body could make me fall into oblivion for a few minutes and that’s what I was searching for: forgetting everything even if it lasted for only a short amount of time.

And then there was Josh, Nicholas and Victor. None of them made me forget. None of them were interesting enough so I could focus on them instead of my hot best friend.

I haven’t been dating in a while since Victor. It’s been around eight months, more or less. All I could think about in these last months is Louis, Louis, and Louis. He occupies every inch of my thoughts and my brain is about to explode from all the thoughts of him and the intense scenarios that I make up about us being together.

I don’t think the worst is to know that Louis is dating that girl, Eleanor. I know it’s not serious between them. It never is with Louis. He’s a player and likes to have as many girls as possible. He’s got the looks, he’s got the personality and he’s got a scholarship because he’s a fine ass football player. All the girls swoon over him. And he enjoys that. He loves that too much. He will never understand that my love for him is true and real when all these girls just fake their love and bat their eyelashes, hoping he will notice them.

The worse is to know that he will never swing for my team. Louis will never love me. Not because I’m his best friend, but because I’m a fucking dude. I sometime wish I was born a girl just so I could have a chance with him. It’s stupid and I know it but I can’t help it. I’d do anything in order to be with him. Becoming a girl though, it’s a bit too much and I like my masculinity.

“Hey mate, stop sulking over what’s going on inside that pretty little head of yours!”

I’m startle by the sound of Louis’ happy bubbly voice. Turning my head toward him, I see him leaning against the headboard of his bed, legs spread over him. His eyes are focused on the screen of his laptop but he still managed to know the depressing thoughts running through my head. That’s just how well he knows me.

He glances up at me when I don’t say anything and I shake my head to get rid of any last thought of Louis.

“I’m not sulking, just thinking. What are you even doing?” I ask trying to direct the attention on him rather than me.

“I’m just working on an assignment due next Tuesday.”

I scoff at that, not used to Louis actually doing some homework.

“Since when do you do your assignments?”

Louis glares at me playfully but doesn’t answer. Without knowing it, he offers me plenty of opportunity to admire his beauty and fall more in love with him.

“Let’s go out tonight!” I exclaim with a little too much enthusiasm.

Louis keeps his eyes on his laptop but nods his head yes.

“Yeah.”

“The Firestarter?”

“Sure.”

He doesn’t look up once and I sigh, desperately wanting him to give me attention. That’s all I want really, if I can’t have his love.

The Firestarter is a club we always go to since we’re eighteen. We have a lot of memories there, some good, others bad. But we always end up loosening up and drink ‘til our body can’t take any more. I love our lads’ nights out, when it’s only me and Louis. It means that when he has too much to drink –and it’s always the case– he leans on me for support, more than the usual. At the end of our night, I practically carry him in my arms. And I savor every moment because even though we touch all the time, I know being able to carry him and touch him intimately is something that will never happen. So I enjoy it while it lasts, for a couple of hours.

I know I shouldn’t take advantage of him when he’s so drunk out of himself that he doesn’t remember his own name. But I cannot help it. He offers himself to me without realizing it and I can’t just resist him. It’s way too hard.

*

The music is loud when we enter the club. People are going crazy on the dance floor, grinning onto every person they come close to. I let out a happy sigh and pull Louis with me to the bar.

“Two cosmopolitans, please.”

The bartender nods and starts to make our drinks. I turn to Louis who is already lurking after some girl’s ass. I nudge him in the stomach and he looks up at me with his innocent eyes. He doesn’t fool me though. He never can.

“You already have a ‘girlfriend’” I rolled my eyes, quoting the word girlfriend.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t appraise other women,” he winks.

I roll my eyes again and sip on my drink, letting my gaze wander around. All the women look the same. Blond, big boobs, fat ass, miniskirt with a top allowing everyone to see their breasts. They enjoy the attention and give men luxurious stares, trying to lure one into them.

“Let’s dance!”

I don’t let Louis answer and drag him to the mass of people dancing. I don’t turn around and face. Instead I pull him close to me and dance against his chest. His hands grab my hips and bring me even closer than before. There isn’t an inch of space between us. I let my head roll backwards, onto Louis’ shoulder, and breathe in his neck.

His skin is so close to my mouth and all I want to do is close the gap between my lips and the light skin. I resist and turn my head to the other side.

We dance for a few more songs before going back to the bar and ordering some more drinks.

Halfway through the night, things get really out of control. We’ve been taking shots for the last ten minutes straight. The alcohol is buzzing in our system and I giggle at nothing while Louis tries to tell me a story, his words slurred by the booze.

“I love you, you know mate?” I blurt out.

I quickly put my hand over my mouth realizing what I had just said. Fortunately for me, Louis only giggles in answer and leans in close.

“I love you too! But shush!” He whispers as if it was a secret.

I beam at him and throw my arms over his neck, giving him a hug. We look like complete fools, laughing for nothing in particular, holding onto each other for dear life. In my drunken state, I see myself acting like a lover towards Louis. My hands are always on him, gaze not leaving him. He doesn’t notice. He’s as drunk as me, perhaps more.

After a couple of hours and a lot of other drinks, we find our way back to the dorm. We’re stumbling on our feet while trying to climb the stairs. I fumble with my keys and finally open the door to our room.

“Fancy a little smoke?” Louis asks me, wriggling his eyebrows.

I burst out laughing, knowing very well what he means. I nod and go over to his bed, falling onto it like I own the place. I’m spread over the bed with my arms cross behind my head. The only noise audible is Louis searching through his drawers.

“Got it!” He lets me know.

He walks over to me and sits on my laps, straddling my hips. A look of concentration on his face, Louis rolls the cigarette then lights it up, taking a drag. He throws his head backwards, releasing the smoke in the air.

He looks so hot right now that all I want to do is turn him over and get my way with him. But I refrain myself and take the stick form his long fingers and bring it to my mouth. We exchange it back and forth for a few moments in complete silence.

“Shotgun my friend,” Louis whispers leaning closer to me.

I grin while he steps even closer to me until our chests meet. His face is only inches away from my own and I feel his hot breath prickling at my skin. I open my mouth while he leans over me and smoke into my mouth. The hotness of the situation is getting me really hard and I fight the urge to move my hip upwards.  
Louis gives me the stick and I take a drag. My right arm holds his neck and I blow the smoke in his mouth, our lips barely touching. I let go of the unfinished cigarette and pulls Louis closer to me, kissing his lips hungrily. I’ve held back too long and I can’t fight my feelings any longer.

Louis moans in my mouth, both of his hands gripping my face, bringing me closer to him. His tongue enters my mouth with full force and plays with my own, taking the lead. I let him kiss me as he pleases and trail my hands along his sides. They end up groping his ass and squeezing it tightly.

“Louis…”

My voice is a broken whisper. I’m dying to feel him even closer. I have dreamt of kissing him thousands of times and now it’s actually happening I can’t express how overwhelmed I’m feeling. I feel tears prickle behind my closed eyes and I push him slightly away.

“Cal… I want you.”

My eyes snap open and stare into his. My heart is racing so fast, I think it will run out of my chest. I push him more away with my hands on his chest. I shake my head to clear my thoughts and try to sober up a little. My mind has never been that confused before but being drunk, I can’t concentrate enough on what’s really happening in front of me.

“You should go to sleep Louis. You’re pretty wasted.”

I don’t give him the chance the reply and stand up, going to my own bed and crashing down on it. Images of the kiss keep replaying in my head, making it really difficult to sleep. Somehow, between the tingling feeling of Louis’ lips on mine and his body pressed against me, I fall in a deep sleep full of rainbows and happy butterflies with my love one.

*

When I wake up, my head is hurting like hell, as if someone was having fun smashing glasses together and making an awful lot of noise. I groan, not appreciating the feeling and open one eye to close it again when the blind light makes its way in my eye.

“Ugh…”

This is the only sound I’m able to form. Words are stuck in the back of throat and are not ready to come out yet.

“Wake up sleepy head.”

Louis’ singing voice startles me and I turn my head toward the noise. Being extra careful, I open my eyes again and squint at the bright light. I can see Louis sitting on the edge of his bed, watching me with a smirk and amused eyes. Wasn’t he more drunk than me?

“What’s up?” I try to say. My voice sounds croaky and I clear my throat.

Louis points his head to a glass of water sitting on my bedside table. I thank him with a nod and gracefully gulp giants’ mouthful of water. Once my throat isn’t hurting as bad as it was, I turn to face Louis and quirk and eyebrow when I see him staring at me with a hint of seriousness in his blue orbs.

“What?”

He shakes his head slowly and stands up to sit across from me.

“You remember yesterday night?”

“We went out to our club and drank a lot. The usual. Why?”

Louis opens his mouth to say something but changes his mind at the last second.

“Nothing.” He says simply.

He goes to get up but I grab his hand.

“No tell me.” I insist.

Louis sighs but sit back on the bed, keeping my hand in his. His fingers start stroking my skin, doing gentle circles with his thumb. He keeps his gaze down, not meeting my eyes.

Did I do something? I start to wonder. What if I told him my feelings and tried to get my way with him? It would explain why he is reacting that way. Louis is never nervous or shy around me. Never. Something must have happened if he acts that way towards me.

“We kissed.”

These two words seem to echo in my head over and over again. We kissed. We kissed. We kissed. Now I understand why Louis is acting that odd. He is confused and disgusted by what we did. Oh God, I’m going to lose him, I just know it.

“Louis, I…”

He cuts me, still not meeting my eyes.

“Not just a kiss, he continues. A full make out session.”

Now I’m horrified. My face is contorted in an ugly grimace. I wish I remembered kissing my best friend, the love of my life. I mentally slap myself for thinking about that right now when Louis is obviously upset about what happened. And here I thought he was way drunker than me. Guess I was more intoxicated than what I thought.

“I know I should have probably told you sooner but I couldn’t find it in me to admit it. It’s hard enough to admit it to myself, so I didn’t imagine telling you any time soon. But, considering the circumstances, I feel obliged to tell you.”

Louis looks up at me and I can see how stressed out he is about telling me what’s on his mind. I squeeze his hand tight and caress his face with my loving gaze.

“I’m in love, Calvin.”

My world just stops. I stare at him with wide, hurt eyes, not knowing what to answer him. He’s in love? That’s great for him, I’m happy that he finally knows how great it feels. But on the other hand, I’m completely crushed. I knew I could never have me, but I still had hope because he was never attached to the girls he was dating. Now though… it’s all different. Whoever that person is, I hope they know how lucky they are to have Louis’ love. It’s such a wonderful gift that it makes my heart ache at the thought that I will never know the feeling of Louis loving me as a soul mate.

“Err… wow that’s great mate!” I fake my joy trying to smile.

Louis shakes his head and his grip on my hands tightens.

“No you don’t understand. This is awful! I’m in love with you Cal! And I know you will hate me because I’m your best friend and you don’t see me a potential boyfriend and damn I’m certainly not your t-“

I cut his rambling by pressing my lips on his. I know I just caught him off guard, sensing how tensed his body is. My free hand cups his right cheek and my thumb strokes his skin, trying to soothe him. I don’t move my lips, just let him accustom to the feeling and retire a few moments later.

My eyes search his when I pull back and I send him a reassuring smile. I want to scream at the top of my lungs and run in the streets, yelling my happiness to whoever listens.

“I love you too Louis. Fuck, you have no idea how much I love you! It’s been so many years since I fell in love with you, beautiful.”

Louis gives me a disbelief look then flies into my arms and crashes his lips on mine, hard. His mouth moves in sync with me and I let the joy take over me. I smile into the kiss and detach my lips from his to hide my face in the crook of his neck. I can’t stop the smile from growing. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before. Nothing can compare to having Louis hugging me and knowing his feelings for me.

“You’re not grossed out?” He asks me, almost shyly.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I’d have to hate my guts too if I was disgusted! I told you Louis, I’m in love with you. And it seems that you love me too so from now on you’ll never leave my side and I will never ever let you go. You’re mine for the rest of our lives.”

He smiles and leans in to kiss me tenderly. Soon, the tenderness leaves to make place for lust and passion and soon we lose our minds in the other embrace, murmuring sweet love words to each other.

This is love.


End file.
